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Victory Light

They keep showing this commercial on Comedy Central.

This seems like a great phone to buy if you need to drop through a window onto a long dining room table fully set for a party of mannequins, then put on some mobile dubstep and impress a girl with your parkour and porcelain fruit kicking.

Published by A:42, on December 8th, 2015 at 7:18 pm. • No Comments

I work with teenagers.

My job on a good day:

My job on a bad day:

Published by A:42, on January 13th, 2014 at 11:02 pm. • No Comments

Drop Dead Fred

I’ve decided that one of the problems with kids growing up with no dads is that dudes are pretty impervious to cute. If my kid starts crying because they got a boo-boo, you’re not gonna see me kiss it to make it better, I’m gonna do what my dad did and tell em if they ain’t dying to quit crying. If my kid starts telling me about their imaginary friend for too long, I’m gonna tell ’em to shut up because there ain’t no such damn thing as Freddy the Giraffe or whatever and they need to go clean up the spilled potted plant they just blamed on Freddy. I’m not gonna sit there and say “uh-huh” for ten minutes.

Published by A:42, on November 19th, 2013 at 11:10 am. • No Comments

Merrie Melodies

Published by A:42, on October 11th, 2013 at 2:07 pm. • No Comments

Entreaty to passion, awash in civilization’s folly.

I wish that I cared about something.

I don’t usually talk about this because I’m aware of how arrogant it will probably sound. I promise that my intentions are almost exactly the opposite from bragging… I was always the smart kid in school. It was easy. I never studied. I didn’t really do homework either, so maybe my grades weren’t great. But exams were easy and I’d go all O.C.D. on essays, so it’d even out to a B or C usually. Standardized tests were easy. I got scholarships for both high school and college. There were maybe only five people I’ve met in my academic career that I felt might have been smarter than me. Most of them probably had strict parents, enough money to be comfortable focusing on school, and they probably studied hard and went on to be doctors or something. Personally, I think medical shit is gross and I don’t even like touching the outside of people’s bodies.

Anyway, I never learned anything in school besides how to be a student. I went to school, got it over with, and never found any way to tie it into real life. I have interests, maybe even a couple hobbies, but no passions. I envy people who have a love for what they do. I spend hours thinking about what kinds of things I might try to care about. What would I go back to school for, if it were free and I had the time?

Right now, I work with teenagers with behavioral and emotional issues. Today, somebody on the internet made a comment about doing things “for the next generation” regarding their own kids. I didn’t respond. All of my thoughts, when I hear the phrase “the next generation” (excluding the those about X-Men, Pepsi, and Star Trek because marketing works) point to a very hopeless place. When I tell people what I do for a living, so many of them tell me that it must be so fulfilling, and that I’m doing a great thing. It’s not, and I’m not. I’m staring into the belly of the beast, and while I am sometimes proud to help someone figure out their life if they deserve it, I am more often ashamed of helping people survive who simply should not.

What exactly do we want out of the next generation of human beings? Who among them is worth saving the planet? Who among them will be more valuable alive than dead?

If you say “all of them,” you are wrong. If we save everyone, we will destroy everyone. Human overpopulation is the cornerstone of nearly every major concern threatening life on Earth, including humanity.

Why should I squee if I see your child? Every child that is born is a greater threat to me than they are a boon. Especially if you have mediocre genes, or worse. No, this isn’t about carbon footprints, nor an energy crisis, nor population control. It’s about the purpose of civilization. Civilization, in its broadest sense, exists to ensure the survival of the greatest number of people, correct? When we argue about health care, energy, or education, are we not arguing whether it is our duty as a society to let the unfit and unlucky survive? Is that not ultimately the idea behind agriculture and architecture since the dawn of civilized man?

The mind of homo sapiens sapiens has arrived through a much different process. As with all life on Earth, we evolved by trying not to die and by trying to have kids that aren’t likely to die. As a mammal, and an ape, my mind does not want to allow the survival of many of my fellow apes, based on very selfish reasons. Whether conscious of it or not, I suppose I’d be uninterested in the survival of:

  1. A rival who is capable of threatening my mate, my ability to mate with those whom I’ve chosen, my children, or my life.
  2. Genetically weaker males who may produce inferior examples of our species in the future.
  3. Unsuitable mates and those who are not able to fend for themselves.

And I suppose I’d be fine with:

  1. Suitable mates and my own children.
  2. Males or females I consider fit to help me and my kin survive, and to produce offspring that are worthy of my future offspring.

Civilization protects everything in the first list as much as those in the second list. I’m not really going to say that this is right or wrong, as social Darwinism is a whole different subject, but I want you to recognize the conflicts between evolutionary behavior and civilization.

If I were to fancy myself capable of tackling the larger predicaments that face the human race, I run into the glaring paradox of overpopulation. Do I want to put my talents towards ensuring the greater good of civilization, in the hopes that I and my fellow man are rewarded with the security and luxury that it has afforded affluent humans throughout recorded history?

History is wrong. Civilization has many glorious milestones, but far more horrors. Particularly when resources are scarce. What faith have I that my descendants will be on the clean end of the sword?  If I am helping people survive and procreate, en masse… they are still mortals. Is this not ultimately killing more of them? When we reach critical mass and finally leech the Earth dry, will it have been my fault for creating some great invention that feeds millions? Will it have been my fault for forging a lasting, atheist peace in the Middle East? Will it have been my fault for creating clean, renewable energy?

What then, is my goal? If I want to consider myself such a goddamn genius, should I just focus on things that will improve my life, and the future of my possible children? Should I go get rich at others’ expense? Move back to the islands and try to get away from that civilized mindset almost entirely? Even if I do these things, I fear that the axe is already falling. Even if I were to have children, untold horrors are waiting for them as the Earth becomes increasingly coaxed to empty its trash. My line will end, now or centuries from now, and there will be no glory in it.

It’s an ethical dilemma. If I am selfish, everyone else’s unselfishness will crush the whole purpose of my existence. If I am unselfish, it is ultimately a reassuring lie to my instincts, a lifelong folly to trust that this society will be the platform for the survival of my genes.

Whence, then, comes passion?

People tell me to do what makes me happy. If you haven’t noticed, happiness doesn’t really enter into it. I’m happy when I’m doing ape things, like eating and sleeping and scratching my stomach. Big deal. Otherwise, my emotional state isn’t really the bloody point of the matter. If I have a hobby or interest, I have trouble seeing how that should rightfully take precedence in my mind as something to pour my heart into, because all of my definitions of success are flimsy. Even if I should become comfortable financially, if I should make some cultural or scientific contribution… Am I improving the world or exacerbating the apocalypse?

I do not ponder the meaning of life. The answer is 42 and we’re all just here because our parents fucked, and that’s really the primary thing we’re supposed to do. I am not a poem, I’m a meme. We’re here to replicate. It isn’t that complicated. You wanna know why your friends with children are all overjoyed to show you their kid’s pictures and all that crap? Because they did the one thing the ape jumping around in their minds told them to do, so Bobo isn’t so pissed off and rattling the cage anymore.

What I’m concerned about is much dumber. How do I reconcile any of my efforts with the knowledge that every decision is both unethical and futile? Convince me that there is some discipline in which I can entrench myself, one that will better my ability to thrive and multiply; one that will not lead to a rising population, nor a diminishing natural world; one that will efficiently and safely improve the quality of human beings that are allowed to survive and participate in society. Tell me how to give a shit!

Fuck it. I’m gonna go work on an easily-administered male contraceptive that makes dicks bigger. Probably gonna delete this in the morning.

Published by A:42, on October 1st, 2013 at 12:23 am. • No Comments

Political Tifosi

Ultramarines Bordeaux / FC Girondins de Bordeaux

Timbers Army / Portland Timbers

Ultras Darmstadt / SV Darmstadt 98

Gate 9 / AC Omonoia

Ultras Inferno / Standard Liege

Ultras Hapoel / Hapoel Tel Aviv FC

The Cauldron / Sporting Kansas City

Fentagin Peristeri / Atromitos FC

District Ultras / DC United

Ultra Boys 90 / RC Strasbourg

Ultras Inferno / Standard Liege

Published by A:42, on July 2nd, 2013 at 2:44 pm. • No Comments

Some guy at the bar the other day told me I shouldn’t work with children.

I scoff at thee.

Published by A:42, on May 28th, 2013 at 4:58 am. • No Comments

Infomercial .GIFs

Courtesy of /r/wheredidthesodago:

Published by A:42, on March 19th, 2013 at 9:50 pm. • No Comments

Dig from November 21st

So, I heard Earwaxx is closing. Naturally, I had to go get in a dig before it was too late, since I never go that far into the Norse Land. The guy said they’d be open til Christmas at least, but still. Anyway, here’s my haul, in decreasing order of cost:

The Heptones – Pressure

Phil Spector Christmas Album

Some reggae compilation

Shabba Ranks – “Mr. Loverman”

The Commodores – “Brick House”

Some other reggae compilation from Joe Gibbs

A weird dancehall comp

Some Motown comp on a Gordy label

Jay-Z – “U Don’t Know” remix w/ MOP

R. Kelly – “Thoia Thoing”

Buzz Riddim

Nivea – “Okay” ft. Lil Jon

Erick Sermon – “React”

p.s. This song is secretly about killing yourself.

Ludacris – “Splash Waterfalls”

Missy Elliott – “I’m Really Hot”

Sean Paul – “Get Busy”

I just realized I bought 3 Sean Paul songs and I don’t even like that dude.

Remy Ma – “Conceited”

Jazze Pha & Cee-Lo Green – “Happy Hour”

Jean Grae – “Going Crazy”

Not sure if I’ll ever play this out anywhere, but I couldn’t just not buy it.

Do Or Die – “Still Po’ Pimpin”

This song kinda sucks but I bought it because I still wish I had the original. Also, it cost a dime.

Pharoahe Monch – Internal Affairs Instrumentals (sealed)

So, this was only 10¢ as well, and it was still sealed. I feel like it could be worth some money someday, since Internal Affairs is hard to find in itself. I probably won’t even open it.

Young Leek – “Jiggle It”

I think I already own this, but it’s awesome so I bought it anyway.

Published by A:42, on November 24th, 2012 at 1:46 pm. • No Comments


These people’s reactions to the Curiosity landing at NASA are just going to get more and more hilarious over the decades. The concept of hairstyles is funny as shit to me.

Also, some NASA guy just yelled “HOLY SHIT!” into millions of homes.

Published by A:42, on August 6th, 2012 at 12:47 am. • No Comments